This? This is not the place for a fragile heart


I feel like I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone. Yesterday, of the blue I got attacked on Twitter and accused of doing something awful by a group that I was – up until a few days ago – close friends with. Not once, was I asked by any of them, about whatever it is that I wrote that offended and upset them. I’m still unclear as to what it was. And when I asked mutual friends, they were unclear too. Many tried to reassure me that it was a misunderstanding. Which maybe it was OR maybe I DID unknowingly do something wrong. I just don’t know. But, why wouldn’t someone who is supposed to be a friend just ASK me or TELL me that I wrote something that hurt them? I would remove such thing and issue an apology in SECONDS FLAT. Because that’s not who I am. Not at all.

So I’m stating this for the record here, where it will remain for posterity but most likely go unread by the masses. And that’s okay. I’m tired of the masses. Especially if this is how the masses behave. My disposition is not cut out for this kind of persecution. But here goes for the record:

I did NOT write a poem specifically targeted at ANY disease. If I wrote something without realizing it that triggered any pain or discomfort about any disease I am -DEEPLY- sorry and would have removed it, if just asked. 

I did NOT willingly or purposely copy anyone’s words and use them as my own. I admired. I looked up to. I tried to be more “Ariel” – writing to prompts and encouraging tweets, but I did not purposely copy anyone or anything.

I was continuously retweeting this group who have made these accusations and blocked me — clearly I didn’t see what I was writing as copying them. I wasn’t intentionally doing anything. I would have deleted or changed whatever it was if I had just been ASKED or given the chance. I adored these girls. I admired them. I was a fan. I bought their books. I gave their books as gifts to my friends for Christmas. I promoted them and their books on both my accounts. Truth be told, I felt like several times I should maybe pinch myself because I couldn’t believe “they” liked me and my writing. I was not competition. I was not a threat. I was not and am not what I’m being made out to be. I would have explained this and apologized in SPADES if one of them would have just asked me directly.

But no one did. No one felt that I, my friendship or my writing was worth enough to do so. Do you know how hurtful that is? How gut wrenching and demeaning that is? I probably should hate them. But I don’t. That’s the thing. I had so much gratitude and respect for them that this has just …………. I can’t describe to you what it’s done to me. As a writer and as a person.

Thank you to those of you who gave me encouragement along the way. It’s meant so much. But I’m starting to think the public and social media are not the place for me. Or my writing.

Perhaps I will stick to writing late at night in the privacy of my mind and my notebooks. Me and Mr. Tanner.

Because this? This is not the place for a fragile heart.